I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
