planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
