did you get engaged???
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
