hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
