You made me cry and you don't even care
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
