Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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