fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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