You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
