Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
