I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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