Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
