Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
