my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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