You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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