Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
