my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
