Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
