OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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