Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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