I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
