even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
