dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
