After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
