xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize