North Korea, Best Korea!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
