in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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