I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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