Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
