That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
