His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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