No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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