well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
