It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
