I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
