just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
