We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize