Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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