He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
