shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
