The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
