ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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