If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
BRING THE BAGELS
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
