he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
