I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
