I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
