you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
