My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
