Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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