my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
