Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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