You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
