it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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