I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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