Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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