Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
