he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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