remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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