im having a threesome with these popsicles
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
