He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
