im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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