remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
