Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
