he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
