i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
