a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
