I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
