Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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