Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
