So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you win again, gameday.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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