he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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