My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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